


Unrequited Sabriel: Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul

by gatergirl79



Series: Unrequited Sabriel [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confusion, Dream Sex, Dream World, Fluff, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reference to major character deaths, References to hell, References to previous stories, Romance, Unrequited Love, references to rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatergirl79/pseuds/gatergirl79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Sam and Dean take on the Leviathan‘s, Sam struggles to deal with Lucifer‘s taunting. Unable to distinguish between the real world and his disillusions, Sam finds sanctuary in his dreams with the most unlikely of people. When the pressure of holding Lucifer at bay becomes too much and Sam finally breaks, will Gabriel be able to hold him together long enough for Dean to save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unrequited Sabriel: Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Returning once again to the Unrequited Sabriel universe, we join Sam as he deals with the consequence of his wall crumbling down. Spoilers for season seven.
> 
> This story came out of me wondering why the hell Sam held out so long. I mean considering how utterly fucked in the head he was, he should have cracked sooner that he did. So I decided that maybe he held out because he had an angel on his shoulder keeping him anchored. It didn’t come out quiet as I planned. Originally I wanted to write a story where Sam was living this normal AU life with Gabriel and couldn’t tell the difference between that, the real world and Lucifer’s torture. But it just wasn’t flowing that way, so you got this instead. 
> 
> Advisory WARNING: References to rape. (mostly in chapter 2)

Sam groaned beneath the covers, his hand reaching out for the sound that had woken him, slamming around on the nightstand, unable to find it. “Dean.” He groaned shifting some more. That’s when he felt it, the warm body, the arm, the hand snaking low over his hips. Had he brought a girl back last night? He wondered as the hand swept down to his groin. Slowly it registered that it didn’t feel like a girl’s hand, it was rough and large, though not as large as his own, and somewhere in the back of his mind a bright red alarm bell screamed, his heart began to race, but that could be the incessant phone.

 

 

“Should I be worried that you’re moaning your brother’s name in your sleep?” A familiar voice murmured behind him. A deep smooth male voice.

 

 

Sam shot out of the bed, naked. His back pressed against the wall. His eyes wide with panic and confusion as they stared at the man in the bed. Surely that wasn’t who he thought it was? He rubbed at his eyes. It couldn’t be. He’d been dead for years. Sam’s stomach clenched up tight. “Gabriel?” he murmured, frowning at the man lying beneath the large duvet watching him with concern.

“Seriously, you’ve really got to stop drinking with you’re brother.” Gabriel smirked, reaching over to shut off the alarm clock beside him. “What time did you get in last night?”

 

 

Sam stood dumbfounded, his mind spinning. He glanced around the room, the pale silver walls, the deep grey carpet, large double bed currently supporting the naked archangel. The sight sparked something in Sam head and he glanced down at his own body, naked as the day he was born. His stomach churned as he lunged forward to snatch the cover, tugging it off the bed to shield himself.

 

 

Gabriel laughed, rolled off the mattress and moved towards him, stopping uncomfortably close. “Why so shy?” he smirked with a wiggled of his sandy brows, his amber eyes filled with something Sam didn’t want to name. Something he hadn’t seen since the night he‘d….no he wouldn’t think about that.

 

 

Sam swallowed hard, pressing his back flush against the wall, his knuckles white around the duvet. “No. No.” he stammered; shaking his head as Gabriel’s fingers brushed down the thin trail of hair at his navel, and a spark of something forgot warmed his skin. His eyes fluttered closed of their own accord. It had been so long since he’d felt Gabriel’s impossibly warm touch, and as it was had it set off a battle inside him. Disgust and fear, against desire for comfort only the archangel had ever been able to provide.

“Sam.” the man whispered into his ear, his breath playing over the shell.

There was warmth. There hadn’t been warmth before. Hadn’t been softness and care. What was this?

 _“Sam!”_ A voice yelled through the fog. Dean. Dean’s voice.

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

“Sam? Are you hearing me?”

Sam jumped as Dean appeared in his line of sight. Blinking, looking around, there was no sign of Gabriel, or Lucifer - Or at least the illusion of them. If it was an illusion, but it had to have been an illusion. It was his head still coping with all of the memories of Hell.

 

 

“Look at me. Hey. Now we’ve got to button this up. Come on, lets get out of here.”

Sam stumbled away from the wall. “Okay.” his gaze flickering in search of either archangel.

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

He rushed out after Dean and Bobby, pushing what had happened in his head to the back of his mind. It was just the memories of hell seeping into his real life. They weren’t real. Lucifer wasn’t real. Gabriel most definitely wasn’t real. It was all a sick joke his mind was playing on him. He had more important things to deal with.

 

 

They burst into the sunlight and Sam watched Dean pick up his pace, running towards the open gates that lead to the large lake. As Dean skidded to a jolt, Sam watching wide eyed as Castiel vanished beneath the water, a second later there was an explosive ripple, then…nothing. Sam stood there, mouth clenched tight as Dean moved closer to the waters edge, fishing out the remains of Cass’ trench-coat.

 

Sam’s chest tightened at the pain clear on his brother’s face. A pain he could easily empathise with. Thoughts of Gabriel floated into his mind, and he sucked in a deep breath at the sharp stab of something unnamed ripped through his chest. It had been so much easier when he hadn’t cared.

 

 

 

~Dreams Are The Salvation of The Soul~

 

 

 

Sam settled his head against the arm of the couch, his eyelids heavy. He could still hear Lucifer taunting him in the back of his mind but it was too much. He needed sleep. It wasn’t long before he drifted off.

“Sam?”

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

“Sam.”

 

 

He wrinkled his nose at the gentle breeze brushing over his ear, cringing when it began to grow wet. He swatted his hand against the side of his ear, trying to dislodge whatever it was currently licking his face, only to find his hand swept aside and the licking becoming a series of nips and sucks, becoming more insistent. He groaned pleasurably despite himself, his eyes still closed. He turned his head blindly, seeking out the mouth that was clearly not that of an animal but a human. He found it quickly, and the meeting of lips filled him with a warm content heat he hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

Opening his mouth to the probing tongue, he lifted his hands, intent on running his fingers over smooth skin and into long hair. What his palm met however was a rough, lightly stubbled jaw and short soft hair. But strangely this didn’t pull him from the moment, he simple wrapping his fingers in the short strands, tilting the head attached so as to deepen the kiss.

 

 

He swallowed a hungry groan, and with it heat flooded his body. The bed shifted beside him, and then there was warm flesh pressed against him, ribs pressed to his own, nothing separating them but a think layer of flesh and muscle. Sam’s free arm snaked around the waist of the hot body pressed to him, pulling it flush to his. Sucking in a sharp breath at the feel of a solid male erecting on his thigh. - And still he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. The warmth was too consuming. The peace that came with it a sanctuary he didn’t want to lose.

 

 

Fingers threaded through his hair, pulling on the long warm golden brown strands till he moaned against the other set of lips. His hips snapping forward of their own accord.

“God.” a voice moaned into Sam’s mouth. “I’ve m-missed you….s-so much.”

Sam hummed in agreement, using his weight and height to roll them over, his larger body trapping the smaller one beneath him. Breaking the kiss only for a moment to reply to the whispered words. “Me too.”

 

 

Sam didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t want to. He feared what opening them would mean, what it would do. All he wanted was to lose himself in this moment, no worries about anything but the body that offered him what he needed. Comfort, warmth, and security.

 

 

His fingers trailed down the rough jaw to the smooth flesh of his lovers neck, over his collarbone, before palming the flat chest pressed to his. A small scattering of hairs tickling his palm as it blindly rubbed circles over the male ribs. The man beneath him sucking in a sharp breath as the rough callous hand ran across the over sensitive nipples. Sam grinned proudly, shifting his full body weight between the firm spread thighs, their erections grazing each others, sending a wave of heat through them. Sam dragged his mouth along the sweep of the man’s jaw, following the trail his fingers had blazed a few seconds prior. As his mouth reached where his hand had drawn such delightful moans, the fingers continued on, while his tongue swirled and his teeth nipped.

 

 

A deep moan filled his ear, ringing like a bell in the silence, drawing him home in a fog. His fingers combed through thick hair before brushing over velvet steel, wrapping firmly around the throbbing muscle trapped between them.

“Uh…Saaaam…yes, please, pleeeeease meeee.”

Fingers tugged at Sam’s hair, hips thrusting up to meet each rough, firm stroke of his hand. Gabriel’s breathy voice in his ear.

“S…Sam.”

“Hey, wake up sunshine. Up and at’em…Sammy!”

“Sammy!”

 

 

~~~~~

 

Sam started awake breathless staring up into his brother’s face. His head spinning. He shifted upright, taking the bottle of water and the protein bar Dean was holding out to him as he rearranged himself. Hoping his brother hadn’t noticed the bulging in his pants. Not that’s he’d asked about it if he did. “Breakfast in bed.” he murmured.

Dean dragged a chair closer to the couch. “Don’t get used to it. Let me see that hand.”

“Aww, he wants to hold you’re little hand. How sweet.”

Sam startled at the sound of Lucifer’s voice beside him. He turned sharply to stare at the devil while Dean checked the cut on his palm. His eyes instantly scanning the room for Gabriel.

 

 

When he didn’t see the dead archangel, he released a breath of relief. It had just been a dream. The second in less than a day granted, but a dream none the less. There was no pain wracking his body. No cold and empty feeling in his chest. Only fading warmth and comfort.

 

 

He knew he should probably ask himself why he was dreaming of Gabriel. Especially after everything at had happened to him in hell. All those things he‘d been blissfully ignorant of before Cass had caused his walls to crumble.

 

 

Well….that wasn’t quiet true. Not really. Gabriel had been on is mind fleetingly since his return, but during that first year back he hadn‘t cared about what had happened in hell, what he‘d lived though. He hadn’t given two shits to what the archangels had done to him because he didn’t have a soul to care. Then Death had built a wall around the horrors. Practically erasing them. Now though it was like a tsunami. That trip into his own head. Retrieving those memories. It was a surprise he’d been able to put himself back together after that. The guilt and fear. The feelings of disgust, repulsion and shame. The intense hatred he’d felt towards _himself_ as much as Gabriel and Lucifer.

 

 

But these visions of Gabriel? They felt different to those memories. There was warmth that he hadn’t felt in hell, ironically. Gabriel’s touch didn’t burn his skin like ice now. There wasn’t that fear when the angel touched him. Whispered his name. Pressed their bodies together.

 

 

He hissed as Dean pressed on the stitched skin.

“Arh, you’ll live.” Dean grumbled; getting to his feet and heading for the desk.

Sam watched him as he snatched up the bottle of whiskey and strolled back, grabbing Sam’s hand firmly to pour the alcohol over the wound, making him hiss again and clench his teeth. As he closed his eyes against the stinging pain, Gabriel’s face flittered across his minds eyes. He opened them again quickly, not wanting to be dragged back into the world. Fearful his hopes would once again be turned to nightmares. “So, water invasion. Any leads?” he asked; desperate to distract himself.

“I’ve got my feelers out.” Bobby replied; taking Dean’s abandoned seat and gripping Sam’s hand. Ready to re-bandage it. “Whatever they’re up to, it ain’t going Mathra down main street. - They’ll turn up. They seemed real eager to stretch their legs you know.”

Sam watched the older man slowly unroll the bandage.

“Now onto our other big problem.” Dean said sharply from the arm of the couch.

 

 

Sam knew what was coming. Dean was going to want answers; problem was he didn’t think he could give him any. At least none he’d like.

“How you doing? - And don’t say okay.” Dean warned.

“I’m not okay.” He answered honestly.

“You think.” Dean scoffed.

“Hey, go a little easy on him.” Bobby scolded. Shooting Dean a hard look.

“There’s nothing easy about it Bobby. He acted like he had everything under control.”

“I get it, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t exactly want to crack up you know.”

“What the hell happened back there?”

Sam dropped his gaze. Staring down at his pants; thankful to see his erection had eased. “Its….It’s not just flashbacks anymore.”

“Then what?” Dean frowned with growing concern.

 

 

Sam inhaled slowly. “Its more like…I’m seeing through the cracks.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’m having a difficult time figuring out what’s real.”

“Hallucinations?”

“For starters.”

“For starters? If you’re tripping hells bells, why would you hide that?”

“I wasn’t hiding it Dean. I was…I was just not talking about it. It seemed like you two had enough going on as it was. Look, I just figured I’d just try to hold on to the safety bar and ride it out, you know. I…But its getting more specific.”

“As in specifically what?”

Sam swallowed; turning startled once more by the grinning smug face of Lucifer. “Lucifer.” he murmured guiltily.

 

 

 

~Dreams Are The Salvation of The Soul~

 

 

 

Dean hadn’t taken the news about Lucifer well. Which wasn’t really unexpected. It just made Sam feel better about not telling him about Gabriel. But then, why would he? They were just dreams. Dreams that for the first time in weeks weren’t filled with nightmare of fire, brimstone and excruciating agony. That weren’t ripped flesh and frozen empty touches. The worst part now though was that Dean was watching. Constantly keeping an eye on him as if waiting for him to break and blow up.

 

 

And he was waiting for it too. It had to happen eventually. He couldn’t have all that shit in his head and not loose it. He just had to hope no one got caught in the crossfire.

 

 

Sam exhaled in a harsh rush of air and put the fully assembled weapon back on the desk top. He’d been stripping and reassembling it for hours. In a bizarre way it was calming and right now he needed to be calm.

 

 

Resting his elbows either side of the weapon he dropped his head into his hands and closed his eyes. Taking a couple of deep breaths. As he sat there; peaceful and silent he felt the ghost of hands on his shoulders. Rubbing deep at the muscle. He moaned and leant back into the body behind him.

“You’re so tense Sammy.” Gabriel’s voice whispered in his ear. “You need to relax.”

“Got any ideas?” Sam murmured; surprising himself at the lightness his voice carried.

“A few.”

 

 

Lips brushed against Sam’s forehead, down his nose to his lips. He moaned at the feel of the warm soft kiss, and the scrap of stubble against the bridge of his nose. With his eyes still closed; he lifted his hand and dragged his fingers through the soft thin hair behind him. Opening his mouth up to the tongue probing for entry. Allowing Gabriel to deepen the kiss further. The angel pulled back a little, speaking.

“I feel like Spiderman.” he chuckled softly.

“You’re better than Spiderman.” Sam whispered; pulling him back down into the kiss.

“ _Sam_?”

 

 

Sam shoot up straight, his hands falling to the desk from where they’d been cradling his head. He turned to see Dean watching him. Again. With that look. “Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Just…resting my eyes.”

“Maybe you should get some sleep.” Dean replied; that intense concerned look still pinned to his face.

“I…yeah. Maybe I will.” Sleep sounded good. Maybe he could finish the dream he’d just started. He pushed himself up from the table and made his way to the stairs. Rolling his shoulders and rubbing at his eyes.

 

 

 

~Dreams Are The Salvation of The Soul~

 

 

 

Sam turned his head on the pillow. Groaning slightly.

“Hey.” A familiar distant voice whispered.

Gritting his teeth Sam forced his eyes open to stare up at the bright smile of Gabriel. “G-Gabriel?” he frowned. Glancing around at the room. “W-where am I?”

“Hospital. You had an accident.”

Sam swallowed; his breath catching. “Dean?”

“He’s fine. Though he won’t be when I get my hands on him. That son of a bitch could have gotten you both killed. I knew he was going to crash had dumb ass car one day.” he threaded his fingers through Sam’s hair.

“Car?” Sam frowned; shaking his head. “No…it was…Bobby’s place?”

“Bobby’s fine.”

“But the…I need to….the Leviathans.” Sam panted; trying to push himself up in the bed.

 

 

Gabriel leant closer; his lips Kiddo to Sam for a brief moment. “Sshh. Everything is just fine. You need to sleep Sammy. Just sleep and rest. I’m here.”

Sam’s eyes drifted closed as sleep dragged him back under.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam was ashamed to say it took him too long to realize that the dreams weren’t dreams. At least not entirely. It wasn’t till the incident with Becky and the love potion that it clicked. While he was out of it, he hadn’t has a single delusion of Lucifer, he also hadn’t had a single dream of Gabriel. - Which considering they’d been pretty constant over the past few months, made it odd.

 

 

Of course he hadn’t really noticed at the time. Too loved up with Becky to notice much of anything. It hadn’t been till they dealt with the rough crossroads demon that the dreams returned, along with the whispering voice of the devil.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam blinked, lifting his head from the side of the bath tub to stare up at Gabriel, smirking down at him.

“You planning on lying there all night?”

Sam sighed and pushed himself up in the water. “Was thinking about it.” he replied softly. His gaze never leaving Gabriel’s.

Gabriel huffed. “Well in that case I’ll call someone else to go to the reunion with.”

Sam reached out, wrapping his wet fingers around Gabriel’s wrist and pulling him down beside the bath.

 

 

He looked at him warmly. His hand releasing the slimmer wrist only to curve around his lover’s neck. “We could just stay in and…” he pulled him closer. Sliding their lips together.

Gabriel moaned before reluctantly pulled back. “We’ve already RSVP-ed. And I promised Katherine.”

Sam groaned. “Fine.” he pushed himself to his feet using the sides of the tub. Splashing water everywhere. Upright he glanced down at Gabriel, still crouching beside the bath, his gaze flickering between Sam’s face and his groin. “You sure about the reunion?” Sam pressed with a smug grin.

 

 

Gabriel swallowed convulsively, heaving a heavy sigh. “Yes.” he whispered insincerely. Then his gaze lifted as he looked up from his knees. “Though we don’t have to leave for at least an hour.”

 

 

Sam’s breath hitched as he lifted a leg over the tub side, setting it securely on the tiles floor before lifting the other. “There’s a lot you can do in a hour.” he finally replied, lowering himself down in front of the angel. With his knees pressed to the tiles he surged forward, capturing Gabriel’s lips and forcing him back onto the bathroom floor. Stretching himself out over him like a blanket. Their tongues moving seamlessly together. Gabriel’s fingers biting into the solid muscle of Sam’s back and shoulders.

“Sam.”

“Hmmm.”

“Oh Sammy. Wakey Wakey.”

“Sam!”

 

 

Sam shot up straight. Banging his elbow on the car door. “What?” he snapped; hissing at the pain while glaring over at his brother.

“No dirty dreams in my car dude. I _do not_ need to listen to you getting off. And if I hear you groaning you’re crazy ass wife’s name…”

“She’s not my wife!” Sam snapped. “And I wasn’t dreaming about her. - We did….nothing happened.”

Dean sighed with relief. “Glad to hear it. I totally didn’t need her popping back into our lives in nine months time.”

 

 

Sam swallowed hard, and shifted back to stare at the passing night.

“Wonder what he’d say if he knew it was my baby brother you were dreaming about screwing?”

 

 

Sam’s forcibly kept his gaze locked on the window as he reached for his other hand. Pressing his nail into the flesh and telling himself it wasn’t real. None of it. Lucifer chuckling and tainting even as he crackled out of existence.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

He didn’t know what made it occurred to him two days later that maybe the dream world with Gabriel was part of Lucifer’s screwy plan. Especially when the bastard had done it a thousand times before. He just shot up in the darkened motel room. Breathless and confused. A cold sweat coating his body with the feeling of having been there before. Having been fooled too many times already.

 

 

It was another three day before he could bring himself to close his eyes and return to the lie.

 

 

When he did he found himself stood in front of a sink. His arms deep in soapy water. The house around him silent. He glanced around and felt his insides clenched at the sight of his childhood home. Or at least the one they’d be forced to abandon. Seeing it only heightened his behalf this was another of Lucifer’s tricks.

 

 

He turned back to stare down at the suds. Captivated by them. Lost in a millisecond. He was shocked out of the moment by hands skimming over his hips, sliding beneath his t-shirt.

 

 

Sam reacted. Angry. Furious. Spinning he capture Gabriel around the throat, forcing him back against the counter. He wouldn’t let this happen again. He wasn’t there any more. He glared down at the wide eyed angel. “You can stop the games. I know its you!” he squeezed tighter. “It won’t work this time. I‘ll fight. I‘ll win.”

 

 

Gabriel’s face coloured red. His mouth open as he tried to breath. Finally he wheezed out words. “I-it’s okay Sa-ammy. I - I’m here. You’re home. Sa-ammy, you’re safe. He…can’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed disbelievingly. His hand neither realising nor relaxing its hold.

“Kiddo, p- _please_.” Gabriel pleaded. His hand trembling as he reached to grip at the hunters wrist. His thumbs rubbing calming circles. His other hand pressing warmly against Sam’s cheek.

 

 

Sam’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch. The other’s touch had never felt like that. It was always ice cold and filled with pain. Sighing Sam relaxed. Sinking into the warmth and comfort. Needing more.

 

 

He dropped his mouth to Gabriel’s. Kissing him deeply. Apologizing silently. His hands cradling the angel’s face gently. After a few minutes he pulled away. Pressing his forehead to Gabriel’s. “I’m sorry, I….he’s getting stronger. I can feel it.”

 

 

Gabriel gripped his face, pushing him away enough to meet his gaze. “That’s why I’m here. You’re always safe with me, Sammy. I’ve protected you since we were fourteen. I’ll never stop protecting you.” then he pulled his into a slow kiss. A soft meeting of lips. - Sealing a promise.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam stopped questioning his dreams. He was just grateful to have a safe quiet place to escape to when the real world got to difficult and Lucifer got too loud. He couldn’t talk to Dean about any of it. His brother was struggling to cope as it was. And he didn’t want to keep seeing that look in Dean’s eyes. The one that said he was just waiting for it all to implode.

 

 

So he found solace with the last person, creature, he ever expected to. Though with everything that had happened between them, it really shouldn’t be quite so unexpected.

 

 

Most time the dreams were boarding on X-rated. Leaving Sam waking hard and in need of self-relief. But some times it was almost domestic between them. A walk in the park. A lazy afternoon in bed just talking. Sat at a table eating a pleasant meal. Until Lucifer or Dean ripped down the walls of his sanctuary and dragged him back to reality.

 

 

~~~~~~

 

 

 

Sam opened his eyes and found his vision taken up by the sight of the TV. Gentle soothing fingers passing through his hair and he leant into the touch. Savouring the peace that flooded him, he turned his face into the denim clad thigh and inhaled deeply.

“Sam?” Gabriel’s voice whispered. His hand still moving thought the long strands.

Sam turned back to the TV with a content sigh, before reluctantly allowing his eyelids to drop, fearful he’d be pulled back to reality.

“What’s wrong Kiddo?”

“Dean.” Sam murmured.

“You want to talk about it?”

“He’s given up. It’s like he just doesn’t care anymore. He said everything can go to hell.”

Gabriel sighed. “Understandable.”

Sam rolled onto his back, looking up at the angel with confusion.

“Cass.” Gabriel smiled.

Sam stared up at him for another few minutes. Then sighed. “I’ve never seen him like this. Not even after dad. - Or Ellen and Jo.”

“Cass was important to him Sam. You know how close they were. Cass wasn’t lying about the profound bond they shared. He pulled Dean from Hell Sam, that’s going to leave some intense connections. - He’s lost that now. His only friend. How would you feel?”

Sam stared up at him, his eyes searching Gabriel’s.

Gabriel smiled sadly. “I know I wasn’t that for you Sammy.” he dragged his fingers through Sam’s hair.

 

 

Sam turned; breaking eye contact and turned back to the TV. “I’m here for him.”

“No. you’re _here_. He knows your not fine Sam. He knows he’s losing you bit by bit. First Cass, now you. Is it any wonder he’s giving up fighting?”

Sam pressed his lips together and turned further into Gabriel’s thigh. “Do you think he’ll get better?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Not unless he has a reason to keep fighting.”

 

 

“Sam? Sammy!”

“They’re pulling me back.” Sam sighed; fighting the pull of reality.

Gabriel smiled down at him, pressing a kiss to the hunter’s forehead. “I’ll be here when you need me.”

“Sam!”

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

He opened his eyes to see Bobby staring down at him and he sighed regretfully. His eyes scanning the room for his brother.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam stood in the heavy rain staring down at the polished white grave stone. Bobby’s name carved deep into it. His tears hard to see beneath the droplets of water from the shy above. His chest hunt from the pain of loss. He glanced up to find himself alone. Dean wasn’t there. No one was.

 

 

Then he felt it. A warm large secure hand slipping into his own. Squeezing tight. He turned his head and released a much needed breath at the sight of Gabriel. The angel smiled sadly up at him, lifting his other hand to brush at Sam’s damp cheeks.

 

 

Sam squeezed the hand in his tight and choked on yet another sob. He couldn’t cry out there. He had to be the strong one. Dean’s loss was greater than his.

“You loved him too. He’s not just Dean’s.” Gabriel whispered beside him.

“But Dean…”

“Does not own grief, Sammy.”

Sam sighed. He wanted to argue, but he knew the angel was right.

 

 

“You ready to go?” Gabriel whispered.

Sam turned to look at the older man. A sadness in his eyes. “No. I don’t want to go back there.”

“You can’t stay here forever Kiddo. You’ve got a mystery to solve. People to save. Monsters to kill.”

“The family business.” Sam sighed warily. “Its just so hard, Gabe.”

“I know.” he leant forward; pressing his lips to Sam’s.

“I’m not strong enough. You know I’m not. I can feel him getting stronger and me getting weaker.”

 

 

Gabriel moved closer still, his hands cupping Sam’s face. “That’s why I’m here, Kiddo. He can’t have you. I won’t let him. Trust me.”

“I never trusted you. You lied to me.”

Gabriel’s smirked that annoying off-sided smiled that had Sam’s heart skipping. “What’s a fake identity between lovers?”

“Lovers? We weren’t lovers.”

“Weren’t we?” Gabriel chuckled. “We had sex. We had fights. I died for you. What would you call us?”

Sam looked at him sadly. “You died for….to save… _her_.”

“You know that’s not true Sammy. No matter what you tell yourself. No matter what _he_ tells you. You know I died to protect you.”

 

 

Sam sucked in a sharp breath. “I wish you hadn’t.” he sighed wearily.

“I’m going to choose to take that as an admittance that you miss me, and not a sign of your re-emerging suicidal tendencies.”

Sam took a fresh breath and tightened his arms around the shorter man. Squeezing tight. Burying his face in the man’s neck. “Dean’s pulling me back.”

“Then you should go. I’ll see you again soon.” he pressed another kiss to Sam’s lips.

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

Sam shot up on the ratty bed to stare at his brother with wide regretful eyes. A heavy sigh escaping his lips.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam tightened his arms around the warm naked body in front of him. Pulling him close and inhaling his sweet scent. Gabriel moaned contently as he snuggled back into the hunters embrace.

“Did you ever think about having children?” Sam whispered. “Can angels even have children?”

Gabriel turned to meet Sam’s green curious gaze. “You know they can. You’ve read enough.”

Sam nodded. “But its forbidden.”

“Yes.”

“So you never thought about it?”

Gabriel shrugged. “I was an earth a long time. No doubt it crossed my mind at same time. You wanted children, once.”

Sam sighed sadly. “With Jessica. We had it all planned. A boy and a girl. Mary after mom, Philip after her dad.”

Gabriel turned in the man’s arms. “I’m sorry.”

Sam pressed his lips into a thin line. “Since…I gave up. I don’t think I could bring a child into this life. I don’t know how Ellen did it? I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up like I did.”

“Your life wasn’t all bad Sammy.”

“I know. But it could have been better.” he insisted.

 

 

Gabriel rubbed his hand along Sam’s muscled arm. “How’s Dean dealing?”

Sam shook his head sadly. “I…I don’t know. He’s not talking to me right now. The whole thing has hit him hard. You know how he is. Despite what he says about hunting, I know he wants a family. Its why I made him settle down with Lisa and Ben.”

“But he wasn’t happy there, Sam, because hunting is his life. He just needs to find a balance. - You both do.”

“I don’t think we can. Neither of us wants to bring someone into this world. If we want families we’ve got to choose. - And I think if we’re given the choice, we’d choose completely different roads.” Sam whispered sadly.

 

 

Gabriel curled his hand behind Sam’s head and pulled him down into a soft lingering kiss. Pulling back with a regretful look. He tightened his arms around the larger man. Luring the man into the sanctuary of his warmth, helping him forget the troubles of the real world.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 He knew he shouldn’t have let him in. He knew he wouldn’t be strong enough to force the illusion silent once he did. But he’d done it because Dean was in trouble and it was his only option.

 

 

He _hadn’t_ realized that allowing Lucifer into his mind, breaking down the wall he’d spent months building would lock him out of his sanctuary. It had been weeks since he’d last dreamt of Gabriel. Something Lucifer taunted him with when he wasn’t screaming at him or singing loudly in his ear keeping him from sleeping.

 

 

Sam clung to the memory of the last dream he’d had of the angel. They’d been having a nice comforting dinner. Smiling across from one another and then the yelling had started. So loud and insistent it had hurt his head to listen to it. He’d tried to stay. Tried to fight the pull of the real world. He could hear Gabriel asking if he was alright. Telling him to hold on. That everything would be fine if he just held on. If he stayed. But Lucifer was stronger, and before he knew it he was back in the motel room, eyes wide and red, flames once again dancing around him.

 

 

Since then he hadn’t been allowed to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes in search of solace, Lucifer would pull him back from the brink. Making sure he never got so much as a glance of Gabriel.

 

 

Desperate for some peace, some comfort Sam went looking. Walking. Running away from the haunting hellish shadow, and he’d thought he’d finally found it when he stumbled on a drug deal. He was a fool to think Lucifer would be so easily silenced.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

“Sammy I’m here kiddo, you’re okay.”

Sam’s eyes fluttered open to find Gabriel smiling down at him. The angel’s fingers combing though his hair soothingly.

“Gabriel?” he whispered hoarsely. His eyes scanning the room. Inhaling sharply when he found himself still in the hospital. “How are you…? You’re not real.” he shook his head violently; desperate to remove the image.

Gabriel smiled softly. “No.”

“This is one of his tricks.” Sam groaned turning his head away from the dead archangel toward the fallen one sat on the desk by the door with a wide smirk. The man nodding cheerfully.

 

 

He felt Gabriel hand on his cheek. Forcing his face back. “I’m here because you need me Sam. Just like I said I’d be.”

Sam continued to shake his head disbelievingly. “You only exist in my dreams. You’ve never…”

“Your melons a giant bow of mush Kiddo. Reality, dreams, they’re all the same to you now. There’s no walls’ separating them.”

“He’s right. I hate to admit it but baby bros got some smarts. - He learnt a lot from me.”

Gabriel glared across the room at Lucifer. Eyes narrowing dangerously. “No one asked for your opinion, Jackass.”

“Ouch, Gabriel that hurts.” Lucifer hissed; his hand over his heart. “What happened to the little squirt that idolized me?”

“He found out you were a spoilt brat.”

“You’re just pissed because I’ve been usurping your boyfriend’s free time.” Lucifer grunted; sticking his tongue out childishly.

 

 

Sam watched Gabriel roll his eyes and turn back to him. His fingers continuing to card through the tangled long strands of golden brown hair. “Don’t listen to him. Concentrate on me.”

Sam turned his back on Lucifer and fixed his gaze on the other archangel. “Don’t leave me.”

Lucifer cooed behind them, adding vomit noises and calling for a bucket. “Seriously, what happened to your pride, Sammy?”

“Don’t call him Sammy.” Gabriel spat over at the fallen archangel.

Lucifer huffed.

“Sammy.” Gabriel whispered with a soft loving smile. “You need to rest.”

“I can’t. He won’t let me.” Sam sighed as Lucifer began to sing loudly behind them.

“Focus on me.” Gabriel ordered. His palm warm against Sam’s face.

“Can’t you stop him?” Sam pleaded; tears pooling in his eyes.

“I would if I could Kiddo, but I’m not real remember. Neither of us is. I can’t control him anymore than he can control me. If you want him to stop Sam, you’re going to have to make him stop.”

“I - can’t. I’m not strong enough.” Sam whispered pathetically.

Gabriel smiled sadly at him; leaning forward to press a kiss to the hunter’s head. “I’ll stay with you Sam. Just focus on me. Just try to stay with me.”

 

 

A loud crack of a cherry bomb made Sam jump on the bed. His focus shifting to the fallen archangel. When he turned back Gabriel was gone.

“Whoops.” Lucifer chuckled before throwing another bomb. “Guess he was wrong about that, huh?”

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

 

“Sammy?” Gabriel whispered beside him.

Sam turned tired red eyes to meet warm amber one. “You’re back.” he sighed warily.

Gabriel nodded; moving to climb on the bed beside Sam. The hunter shifting over to make room for him. Gabriel draped his hand over Sam’s waist and stroked soothing circles into his lower back.

 

 

“You just have to hold on Kiddo.” he whispered softly. “Dean will be here. He’ll find something. - Someone. Just hold on.”

Sam shook his head, resigned to his fate.

“You know he’ll find something Sammy. He won’t let you die. Not like this. You just have to keep fighting. Hold on.”

“I don’t think I can.” Sam whimpered. “I’m so tired Gabriel.”

“I know Kiddo.” he pressed a kiss to the hunters dried, chapped lips. “Not long now.”

 

 

Sam sighed, allowing his eyes to drift close. His head falling forward to rest against Gabriel’s chest. Inhaling the sugar-sweet scent. “You smell so good.”

“Thanks. Wish I could say the same.” the archangel teased lightly.

“I always liked the way you smelt. I still smell it sometimes when I’m awake. - Or I’ll be in a diner and smell honey and instantly I’ll think of you. - Of New York.”

“Oh?” Gabriel sighed. His eyes never leaving the wall across from him.

Sam nodded against the angel sternum. “And I taste you sometimes. I’ll lick my lips and catch the taste but then I lick again and its gone. - Its confusing.”

Gabriel pulled Sam’s head up to press their lips together.

 

 

“I wish I hadn’t been so scared.” Sam sighed; his eyes drifting closed once more.

“Scared?” Gabriel frowned; rubbing and squeezing at Sam’s neck.

“Of what I was feeling. I really did enjoy kissing you.” Sam confessed.

“I know.”

“But….you were….”

“A guy.” Gabriel finished for him.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded again. His eyelids growing heavy. “And I don’t like guys….like that.”

“But you liked me.”

“You weren’t a guy when….you were Katherine. Katherine was you.”

“Only for a little while. - But even when I was Katherine I was still me Sammy. It’s my scent you smell every now and then. It’s my taste haunting your lips. It was me you enjoyed kissing and touching. It was me you joked with and trusted. It was me you fell in love with once upon a time. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t the face or the body, was it?”

Sam inhaled sharply; shaking his head.

“It was what was beneath.”

“I wish you’d told me that before.”

“You knew Kiddo. You just weren’t ready to accept it. - Just like Dean.”

 

 

Sam closed his eyes finally, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Sam?”

“Hmmm.”

“You can’t keep doing this. Its killing you. Sam?”

The hunter opened his eyes slowly. “Hmmm?”

“When this is over. When the leviathans are gone. Find a balance. You need someone Sammy. An anchor in the storm. - You deserve to love Sam. You deserve to be happy after everything we’ve done to you. - Love the way I loved you.”

 

 

Sam hummed in agreement as his eyes dropped closed once again. Only to be forced open by the loud music and more cherry bombs. Gabriel gone from his side.

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam opened his eyes to see the lights passing him by. It took a moment to realize he was moving. Being carted away. He glanced around and saw the orderly that had brought him dinner. What was his name? Sam shook his head unable to remember.

 

 

He felt the trolley he was on jolt as he was pushed through a pair of large white doors into a larger white room.

“Where are we?”

“Electro Shock Therapy. Lets get you settled.”

Sam looked around the room, panic setting in. He didn’t need Electro Shock Therapy. He just needed sleep. He just needed Lucifer to let him sleep.

“Don’t be freaked, I’ve seen this help a lot of people…”

“Hm…uh…my brother….”

“Bite down.” the orderly demanded; thrusting a mouth guard past Sam‘s lips.

Sam struggled. Tried to get free. Tried to get away. Especially when the man’s dark eyes turned darker. Black. Demon black.

 

 

A familiar voice drew his attention and he fought to speak around the mouth guard. His eyes pleading with Gabriel to help, though he knew the angel couldn’t. He wasn’t real.

“Just hold on Sam. Hold on to me. Don’t let go.” Gabriel all but pleaded; moving closer to the trolley. His fingers tangling with Sam’s.

 

 

When the bolt of electricity shot through his body, Sam’s fingers curled tight around Gabriel’s. Hold on like he’d been told to, as his brain sparked to life. Burning like the fires he’d escaped from. Images. Memories cascading though his mind. Sam grappled for them. Reaching out for Gabriel once again. Holding on.

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

_New York City, New York. 1997_

_The motel was just like every other motel he’d been raised in. Tacky and humiliating. Its faded brown wallpaper announcing to everyone the place hadn’t been decorated since the seventies. The room itself looked like a bomb had hit it, but that was what came from living with Dean when their father wasn’t around. - Which was never. - His brother could keep his rifle spotless but a motel room? Not a chance._

_Which was why if he had the choice he’d keep Katherine as far away from the place as possible. Study sessions - which despite what Dean thought actually contained study. - were usually held at the local library. And when they weren’t studying they were just hanging out at the local diner or arcade._

_But they had a paper due and no where else to go since the library was out of commission for at least another week after some smartass - Katherine insisted wasn’t her. - put fifty cherry bombs in the librarian’s desk drawer and blew the thing to pieces. Turned out that there had been questionable material in the remains and the place was closed while an investigation took place._

_And Katherine didn’t want to study at her place. Apparently her parents were super strict and they were kind of butting heads at the moments. At it was impossible to study at the diner. So that left the motel, which meant seeing that pitying look in Katherine’s eyes the second she saw the place._

_Only it hadn’t been there. She’d just strolled into the room, flopped down on the ratty couch and started yanking her books out of her bag, along with a paper bag of candy and Pepsi._

_Sam had stood by bemused but thankful. Especially that Dean had skipped out to meet with another of his high school conquests, who the whole school knew was dating Jacob Mallory. Not that he was all that monogamous either, considering the attention he’d been paying to every other girl in school._

_Two hours after her arrival, him and Katherine were sat across from one another at the coffee table, pizza and history books between them. Sam’s eyes locked on the girl like she was the center of the universe._

_“If you don’t want to join the family business, then don’t. He doesn’t own you, Sammy.”_

_“He’s my dad. They’re my family.” Sam insisted instinctively._

_Katherine sighed. “And that means they get to control your life?” she shook her head. “You deserve to have a normal life Sam.”_

_“Normal?” Sam frowned nervously._

_Katherine’s face softened under her warm slightly mischievous smile. “This isn’t what a lot of people consider normal.” she waved a hand to gesture the large empty motel room they’d been haled up in for the last couple of hours. “You deserve better than this, Kiddo. Get out. I don’t want to see it destroy you.” her eyes burnt into him. More gold than blue. “Run Sam. Run fast and run far. And never look back.”_

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

_State College, Pennsylvania. 2006_

_Sam followed Dean into the large stone building, tugging at his fake electricians’ jacket. Taking the steps to the basement area he glanced over at his brother who looked like he was still suffering from last night’s Purple….Whatever’s. Or maybe it was Starla. Because apparently Dean couldn’t wait till they’d actually finished the case to get laid._

_He watched Dean knock on the metal cage door with a groan and rolled his eyes. Serves him right. He though. He’d already bitched at his brother the whole way to the college and like usual, Dean had just plain ignored him._

_A sound from the cage pulled Sam’s attention and he found himself looking down at a much shorter man with a mischievous smile. The guy looked between him and Dean, a honey coloured brow raised._

_“Can I help you boys?”_

_“We’re from the electric company; we’ve been called in to check the wiring in room 314.” Sam said lightly. A friendly smile fixed in place as he watched the janitor watch him._

_The older man chuckled warmly and pushed open the cage door, forcing Dean to step back quickly or risk being hit in the face. “Sure thing boys.” turning to lock the gate behind him; glancing at Sam out of the corner of his eyes, before stepping past him altogether._

_Something caught on the air and crashed into Sam. A scent that caused his stomach to flutter irrationally. He couldn’t place it though. Narrowing his eyes he glanced around, trying to find the source but the smell was gone._

_“You coming Kiddo?”_

_Sam’s head snapped around to find Dean and the janitor staring at him from the stairs, that smile growing wider on the older man’s face._

_“Right. Yeah.” Sam murmured embarrassingly. Rushing to catch up. Causally interrogating the older man at they walked._

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

_Broward Country, Florida. 2007_

_Sam climbed out of the Impala as they pulled up outside the local diner. He knew Dean would much rather be looking for Bela, he’d complained about it enough but he just wanted to work. And it wasn’t like they had any idea where the bitch was anyway. - And he needed to keep Dean busy so he didn’t start up about Ruby again. Who was currently out there trying her hardest to find a way to save Dean from hell. So he’d dragged Dean on this nice normal missing person case. Well normal for them._

_Sam glanced around the area. It didn’t look like the kind of place a man would go missing but they’d learnt long ago not to judge a nice sleepy town by its shop fronts. The quiet ones were always the most dangerous. He turned at the sound of Dean’s booted feet hitting the gravel as he marched towards the diner. Inhaling slowly Sam rushed to catch up, the door swinging closed before he got to it._

_Sam reached for the handle only to have the door open out towards him suddenly. A moment later a grey haired man stepped out and smiled at him. Sam’s breath caught for a second and he narrowed his eyes. Something seemed familiar about the guy but at the same time he knew he’d never seen him before. He probably just had one of those faces. So Sam fixed on his most friendly smile and stepped aside to let the man pass._

_As he did, something caught at Sam’s nose. But it was gone in mere seconds, before Sam could even put a name to it. Shaking it off he stepped over the threshold, glancing at the retreating back for a few moments before letting the door swing closed behind him._

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

_Wellington, Ohio. 2009_

_Sam stared at the trickster. No, not trickster, angel. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t worked that out before. In hindsight it suddenly all seemed so obvious. The shorter man looked over at him and something clenched in Sam’s chest. Those amber brown eyes, almost gold in the dim light, were filled with anger….and sadness. Sam frowned. Hating the odd sense of compassion flooding through him. He should hate the guy. After everything he’d done to them over the years but for some reason all he felt was...a connection. Something he couldn’t quite name._

_Shaking off the feeling, he narrowed his eyes at the angel. “So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezey or Douchey?”_

_The angel met his gaze, resigned. “Gabriel, okay. - They call me Gabriel.”_

_Sam’s breath caught in his lungs. “Gabriel? - The Archangel?”_

_“Guilty.” Gabriel sighed; his gaze flickering between him and Dean. Then finally settling on Sam._

_The pair stared at one another for a few moments. Sam’s heart racing. He inhaled deeply and instead of the heavy scent of damp and fire he caught a lingering scent of sweet fresh air. The spell was broken by Dean harsh demanding voice, causing Gabriel to turn furiously._

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

_New York City, New York. 2009_

_Sam stumbled out of the building, his head spinning and an acid taste in his mouth. The moment his feet touched the sidewalk he collapsed against the nearest wall fighting to breath. His legs like water beneath him. His head fell back against the red brick, his eyes closed to the world that suddenly felt bizarre and unfamiliar._

_It was the worse thing to do. All he saw was Katherine’s face smiling up at him, flushed and sweaty. Her blue eyes glowing with sparks of gold. The lingering taste of sweetness on his tongue caused Sam to moan, forcing his eyes open before he became lost in the moment. Or worse yet, turned and went back for more._

_What the holy hell had he just done?_

You just slept with Gabriel. The Archangel. So holy’s right _. His mind answered unhelpfully._

_Sam’s stomach rolled and nausea clawed at his throat. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t, that was the problem. He hadn’t thought he’d needed to. It was Katherine. How could he have known Gabriel would…God. He snarled furiously._

Come on Sammy, you knew it wasn’t Katherine. You’re not an idiot. You saw the signed and you chose to ignore them. Don’t lie to yourself.

_Sam shook his head. Banging it back against the brick as if to silence the voice in his mind. He hadn’t known it was Gabriel. There hadn’t been any signs._

The prom photo. The smell. The taste. The…

_“Shut up.” Sam growled furiously to himself. Slamming his head one more time._

_That bastard had used Katherine to screw with him. Punishment for outing him no doubt. God he really hated that guy. Well this was the last straw, he was going back to the motel, grabbing that holy oil and coming back to barbeque his lying feathery ass. Fucking angel._

_He ran his tongue over his lips and groaned. Pushing himself off the wall. He hadn’t known. There was no way he could have known._

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul~~~

 

 

_Sioux Falls, South Dakota. 2009_

_Sam had no idea why he did it. Why he’d flown at Gabriel, crushing their mouths together. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He just couldn’t fight the need to discover if the taste that still lingered on his tongue was Katherine’s or the archangel’s. He prayed it was the former. It would make things so much simpler. He closed his eyes tight, forcing himself not to think. Just allowing his senses to run riot. He didn’t touch though. He pressed his palms against the workbench. Not caring that small splinters and shards of scrap metal bit into his skin. He felt the tug on his hair and couldn’t fight the groan rumbling from his chest, just as he couldn’t help pressing closer to the angel. He gasped for breath when Gabriel pulled back. The man dragging his lips down the column of Sam’s neck._

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

_Greybull, Wyoming, 2009_

_When Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, Sam surged forward, taking full advantage. His hands cradling the man’s face between his palms as he let his tongue devour every inch of the angel’s mouth. Seeking out that taste he’d been craving too long. Gabriel refused to reciprocated, his tongue remaining suborning still. But he didn’t hold out long. A few more minutes then he surrendered. Sam groaned hungrily as Gabriel’s tongue came out to play with maddening enthusiasm. The angel’s hands wrapping tight into the folds of Sam’s shirt, pulling him closer. Trapping them between his chest and Gabriel’s. The archangel’s hips rocking forward to rut against Sam’s thigh._

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul~~~

 

 

_Indiana Highway. 2009_

_Sam stared at the bright white light illuminating the night sky like dawn. His heart pounding, tears stinging the backs of his eyes. He was gone. He was really gone. Sam rubbed at his chest as he turned back in his seat to stare out of the window. He couldn’t pinpoint the ache, and he didn’t want to really thing about it. He should just be grateful that he wasn’t dead. That they’d escaped. It wasn’t like he’d cared about the archangel. The guy had been screwing with him for months. Years. Now at least he’d have some peace and finally get over the insane need he’d been carrying around since New York._

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul~~~

_Hell. 2009_

_It was all darkness and heat. Insufferable heat and a heavy weight on his chest that never eased. His whole body hurt. He could hear Lucifer and Michael fighting again. Could feel his body being slammed against blazing iron bars, branding his skin. The fighting he could take. Being used as a punching back he was used to. It was the other times that left him broken. When it was just him and Lucifer. Secure behind the walls of his mind. Where the fallen archangel could manipulated him. Taunt him. Play with him. Make him see whatever he wanted. Where he let him experience hope and joy and peace only to rip it away._

_He’d suffered through Dean’s torture, as his brother ripped into him, tearing at his skin and bone. He’d stood frozen to the spot and watched Jessica smile and flirt, a familiar yellow eyed glow to her eyes and seductive whispers on her lips. Before turning to have violent sex with Brody in front of him. The pair laughing at him and his tear filled eyes._

_He listened as his father curse and taunted him, berating him for his weakness. Insisting that he should have killed him years ago. That he should never had left it to Dean because Dean was as weak and useless as Sam. That he was a disgrace. Disgusting. That he wasn’t a man because men did have sex with other men. He deserved to be in hell._

_And he’d had his body used and taken in the worst ways. Beyond all imagining by his biggest secret. But there were no secrets from the devil and he’d been a fool to think Lucifer wouldn’t root it out._

_The first time Gabriel had held him down and taken him violently, he’d screamed and fought. It had started with comforting words and promises of salvation, but ended with his body bloody and ripped apart while Lucifer laughed and taunted. He’d stopped fighting eventually and just let it happen. Just closed his mind off and told himself it wasn’t real. Gabriel wasn’t real._

_His Gabriel would never do this._

 

 

 

~~~Dreams Are The Salvation of A Soul~~~

 

 

 

Sam stared down at Gabriel from the porch of their white two story house as the angel put the last box in the back of the car. Tears burning his eyes. “I don’t have to go.” Sam insisted.

Gabriel turned with a sad smile, slamming closed the door he walked slowly back to Sam. “Yeah ya do. You can’t stay forever Sammy. You need to get back there. Ya need to save the world from the scum of the universe.” he joked; taking the steps up to stand toe to toe with the taller man.

“I don’t want to go back.”

“Don’t you?”

Sam shook his head petulantly causing Gabriel to laugh. The archangel reached up to touch his face and pull him into a slow sweet kiss.

 

 

Sam swallowed the tears choking him. “You’re not real.” he murmured brokenly.

“Never was Sasquatch.” Gabriel whispered against his lips. “Remember what I said Sam, be happy. Find someone.”

Sam looked down at the angel, his hands combing through the man’s thin golden brown hair. “I have someone.”

“That’s sickeningly sweet. Except for the whole me being an illusion your mind created to survive Lucifer’s torment.” he chuckled lightly. “I’m pretty much you Sammy. You love yourself.” he grinned smugly.

“I’m serious Gabriel.”

“I know, that’s what makes it so sad. You actually believe you love me. And maybe you do on a deep level.” Gabriel rubbed aimlessly at Sam’s chest. “But we both know that if I were real. - If _he_ hadn’t died. If he came back, you’d push him away just like you did last time. You’d use him then lose him. You don’t love us Sam, you love that we love you.”

Sam shook his head furiously. “That’s not true.”

Gabriel sighed; lowering his gaze. “We’ll never know, will we?”

 

 

Sam growled angrily, grabbing at Gabriel’s face. Crashing their mouths together in a hot brutal kiss. Gabriel’s fingers curling into the fabric of the taller man’s shirt while they moaned pathetically into one another’s mouths. When Sam pulled away they were both flushed and breathless.

 

 

Sam stared at the angel silently. His hands still clinging on. Afraid to let go.

“You need to go Sam. Dean needs you. The world needs you.” Gabriel whispered; pulling gently out of Sam hold. He took a step back before moving around to head for the house.

 

 

Sam wanted to follow him. Instead he was frozen to the spot, the last tentative touch of Gabriel’s fingers on his arm burning deep before vanishing altogether. He heard the click of the latch echo behind him as the door closed forever and sucked in an agonizing breath. Closing his eyes as the tears slipped down his cheeks. He could hear Lucifer off in the distance talking about pigs and bricks. There were distant voices. Familiar. Comforting. He didn’t move though. He just stared out at the empty suburban street he’d spent the past six months escaping too.

 

 

He felt the pull to turn and walk back into the house. To stay here with Gabriel but he couldn’t leave Dean to face the world alone. He was all Dean had now.

 

 

 _“If I can’t tell you again, I’m sorry I ever did this to you.”_ A voice whispered on the breeze. A familiar deep voice. Sam closed his eyes, inhaled the fading scent of sweet fresh air and took a step off the porch and straight back into his nightmare life.

 

**THE END:**

**For Now At Least**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The flashback sequence references moments from Tall Tales (I placed that episode in Pennsylvania because I couldn‘t remember them actually saying where they were.), Mystery Spot and Changing Channels (All of which I hope to write little one shots for.) As well as my previous stories Chimes at Midnight and Masquerade. The high school scene is obvious destine to reappear in the Prequel (When I finally get around to writing that.) and the Hell sequence is what I imagined Lucifer might have made Sam live through while in the cage that lead to him being so completely broken. (I’ll probably never write that story. Too painful.)
> 
>  
> 
> I’m hoping to stay within the SPN canon (as much as you possibly can when writing slash, obviously.) but if Season Nine messes with my ability to do that too much, this may steer off into complete AU territory so I can continue. 
> 
>  
> 
> But for now. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and the kudos. See you again soon with the next instalment of Unrequited Sabriel.


End file.
